I’ve been on a secret mission that only a few of you know about.
In early January, I started sending a special, secret email to the mothers who sign up for my email list.
The note includes my favorite blog post “You are Not Alone.”
And, at the end, I add a little note that says this:
If you are lonely, respond back to me with these words: I am lonely.
And every single day I get a least one email with these words.
I am lonely.
In fact, I’ve received dozens of emails from mothers all over the world confessing to me that they feel alone in their motherhood journey. The first thing I do every single day is respond to one of them with a very special note that lets them know that I get it, that I understand and that I’ve been there.
And that they aren’t as alone as they think they are right now.
Loneliness is a machine that creates more loneliness. For the longest time, I didn’t realize that.
But now everything makes so much more sense to me than when my girls were tiny. I didn’t understand.
I just felt alone — and that feeling is such a big reason for why we are overwhelmed.
When I finally started to snap out of it, started finding new ways of feeling social, I created The Abundant Mama Project to be that bridge between mothers near and far so they wouldn’t suffer in silence. And it’s become a movement of abundance. Women around the world have been sending mail and cards to each other. Texting each other. Sharing stories.
And they are doing it alone but together, virtually.
This past weekend, I had the honor of being a part of a Red Tent event in my local community. It was shared over and over that there needs to be more support for mothers. There needs to be more help for each other.
And I was thinking the entire time. The Abundant Mama Project is a virtual Red Tent for mothers. It’s that sacred space where you are free to be you, where you are free to grow and adjust and free to be lonely together.
Tomorrow, I’m going to talk more about this topic of the lonely mother disorder and how it’s a big part of the yelling frustrations many women carry around as guilt.
In fact, it may be the biggest trigger of all.
For now, just know that those feelings you have inside about no one caring about you. No one seeing you. No one hearing you.
I hear you. I see you. I know you are there.
Even if you haven’t joined the Abundant Mama program, you can always be a part of this amazing tribe of grateful, nourished women by using the hashtag #abundantmama on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Join our mama tribe.
Photo Credit: ktus16 (walking in rain)
Do I feel alone in raising my kids? Sure do! There’s an age gap between my siblings and I as well as between our kids. My parents’ style for them was different than it was for me. I see rand do things differently than they do. My mother was caring for my father when my first was born so she didnt have time to deal with me and my PPD. As if you don’t feel lonely enough with that – its all in our heads, right?
Not to mention that immediately after my third, we moved to a new town. Most people here are not incredibly welcoming. My husband’s position puts us in the spotlight so that’s an added layer.
It doesn’t help with the culture of competition that’s been created among women. We think we need to be perfect. We are jealous whom we think are perfect. Or have better stuff. Or who are skinny. Or who work. Or who don’t work. Or who breastfeeds. Or who can’t/won’t. However you look at it, I beleive we are trained NOT to support each other.
Who wants to vent when you’re only going to be told that you’re whining?
You make so many great points here. You are right in that we’re taught to just suffer without complaining. I think that’s really what we need to shift and change about motherhood. Let’s have real conversations about the good — and the hard. And then let’s help each other out.
Oh, I feel so alone most days. My husband is in the military and we’ve moved 3 times since I became a Mom, 4 years ago. I have never had enough time to “find my village” before it’s time to move again. Now that we have a baby, it’s harder than ever to get out and meet people. I’m lonely most days.
I find comfort on the computer where my blogging friends are always there, as well as the friends I have met along my journey. I love having that connection…it the only connection to the outside world I get some days. The problem is that my computer drains me and distracts me from my kids and the work I need to do at home. I try hard to stay away from it when my kids are around, because I get frustrated when they interrupt me when I’m chatting. I have had to step away from it so that I can refocus on my kids, where my attention needs to be. It’s hard to do though…when it’s your only connection to other people.
Social media and the computer are necessary evils for the busy, lonely mom. Finding that balance is really important. Hugs to you!
This is exactly the reason I came back!!! Missed you all so much! Thanks Shawn for creating the space where we can vent.
And we’re super happy to have you back, sweet mama!!
I just heard a news report that loneliness is as damaging to our health as obesity or smoking. It’s not hard to believe for people who are lonely. It weighs on you. It’s stressful. It hurts. I keep thinking it’s not me but a part of me believes that I am the reason why I can’t make friends. It’s hard when you just want to vent or celebrate or laugh and you don’t have those people who get it. I know my loneliness has contributed to my depression and has affected my life in many ways. I’m more melancholy, don’t feel joy as often, even though my children and husband are great. I just wish I had that one relationship that I seem to always miss.
I can totally believe that … I totally hear you on feeling like it’s YOU. I feel that way, too. That’s why I love my online friends I’ve made in our classes because I’ve been able to find women like me who get ME. It’s hard to find in our local communities, for sure. xoxo hugs to you!