Lately, my daughter has been asking me one question over and over in the middle of those frustrating parenting moments when you need your child to do one thing that leads to another.
Such as when she really needed to eat breakfast at 6:30 a.m. because her school van would arrive at 7 or she’d miss it and have to be driven to school.
Her question is about priorities, particularly how they relate to our family goals and modern family values.
For instance, she asked: “What’s more important? Eating breakfast or getting to school on time?”
Well, good question, I tell her and then we discuss why both are important and, why, at that moment eating a good breakfast is more important (she wasn’t going to be late anyway).
“What’s more important? Reading or getting sleep?” she asked the night she wanted to stay up and read but it was late and she’s the child you know needs as much sleep as possible.
Her questions are always poignant. They instantly snap me awake to realizing how a child’s mind works. Her question always stops me in my tracks to remember about this goal of being an intentional mother.
What is more important? Isn’t that the question we should be asking in relation to every move we make?
Creating modern family values is not easy. We’re pulled in many directions with technology, resources, entertainment and ideas and we’re more influenced by others now more than ever thanks to social media.
It’s easy to get confused. It’s easy to feel conflicted. Torn.
Which way is best? What path should we take? What is our next move?
But, a simple question to ask yourself at any moment is what is most important?
So, I thought I’d take her question and apply it to motherhood– and life– in general today. Yes, with more questions but no answers. These questions might help you get closer to your own modern family values and understanding the choices you make each day, which is just one step closer to being an Abundant Mama.
What is more important?
- Cleaning the floors or taking a walk?
- Being on the computer or reading?
- Being right or being kind?
- Being perfect or being real?
- Being loved or being accepted?
- Being helped or being told?
- Being empowered or being changed?
- Being available or being busy?
- The phone or the person on the phone?
- The status update or living the life behind the status update?
- Answering that email or answering that plea for another book?
- Cleaning up the house or binge watching that new series everyone’s talking about?
- Looking good or feeling good?
- Saying yes or saying no?
- Trusting yourself or trusting others?
- Doing what is best for you or doing what is best for others?
- Waiting or taking charge of a situation?
- Being in charge or being understanding?
- Talking or listening?
- Taking a deep breath or running out of breath?
- Being here now or being everywhere?
Wow, I love this. I want to come back to it again and again. Some of these answers are so easy for me, others not so much. Saying yes or saying no? To my kids, my friends, my extended family. I suppose in the moment another of the questions could help me out? What’s more important, taking care of myself or taking care of others? Yes, I’m going to reflect and come back to this one. Thank you!
I love yours … taking care of me or taking care of others? Such a good one. Why didn’t I think of it?! 🙂
Shawn, I’m pretty sure I need these questions nicely printed on little papers all around my house!
Is this a hint? 🙂
Great post. One to ponder. I’m foreseeing your daughter’s guest post in the future!
There is no doubt she will be a blogger before too long …
I’m going to write this on my bathroom mirror so I see it everyday. Thank you again for inspiring me to be a better mana.
I’m just doing my “job” … you are doing the hard work. Thanks for being here and reading. xx
Yes! I love this! This cookie or my health? This meeting or actually getting work done? This tv show or having a real conversation with my husband that doesn’t involve work or our kids?
I LOVE this!! Such an awesome post- great questions, this will really impact my decision process after reading that list. Thank you as always Shawn 🙂
Great topic. It reminds me a bit of a “kids” book I love “The Three Questions” by Jon Muth (who also wrote Zen Shorts) – a boy asks, “Who is the most important one?” (plot buster: the one you are with.) “When is the most important time?” (plot buster, this moment.) “What is the most important thing?” (helping the one who needs it.) It is a nice book, my daughter loves the story as well.
Yes, I completely agree we DO have to stop & embrace the moment of these little people who keep getting bigger right before our eyes…
But if we don’t clean the floor or peel the potatoes or hang out the washing… When can we get it done???
Today for me has been a ‘back-foot day’ & I am left feeling like I cannot win whichever way I turn…
If I sit on the floor in the playroom & we sing songs & dance then… there’s nothing ready for dinner in an hour…
Yes, I can try to do lunch boxes & laundry once they’ve gone to bed…
But sometimes… sometimes I am left seething WHAT ABOUT ME????
How do I compromise & still feel like I haven’t cheated anyone, including mumma… Ayayay!!!
I agree.
I absolutely understand the well-intentioned sentiment of this post. Yes, we certainly should not choose to clean the floor, or hang the laundry, etc., above everything else. But at some point, these things need doing. And while I’d prefer to drop everything and spend special moments with my kids whenever they want my attention, I simply can’t do it.
I get that this post is about priorities, and is intended to make me feel empowered. But,for some reason, it makes me feel vaguely guilty. Because, rather than “saying yes”, sometimes I choose to get things done, or sit by myself for a moment.
EVEN THOUGH my kids are growing, and “childhood doesn’t have a second showing”, and each moment is precious, etc.
Sometimes I just need to “say no”.
I’m not sure you read through all of the questions, actually. Or, perhaps you just missed the entire point, which is to simply ask yourself what’s most important right now, no matter what you are doing?There’s nothing in this that says feel guilty for doing what you have to do. Nothing at all. Sorry … this certainly isn’t a site to make anyone feel guilt.
You ladies are absolutely right!!! we have responsibilities, things that have to be taken care of. So sometimes, sending an email, at that moment, might be more important than reading to your child. There were no right answers to these questions…just good wQuestions to think about in a moment that we might choose what isn’t most important at that moment. It’s a balancing act we all get to play every day. Aren’t we so lucky? 😉