As we embark on another holiday weekend — this one to proclaim a celebration of independence as a nation — I am reflecting on the fact that so many women are not truly free and do not feel confident in motherhood or in their life.
Not only are we witnessing a civil rights movement unfolding where white people are finally — and slowly — waking up from 400 years of oppression and perpetuating a White Supremacy culture that has greatly held down Black families but we are also witnessing a health crisis that is undoubtedly adding more pressure and life restrictions to mothers and families.
But all of this freedom — which is important — only touches the surface of what it means to be free.
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”Mahatma Gandhi
One of the most startling and apparent themes that has been coming up in about half of my private coaching clients — all moms — is the fact that many do not feel free. Not really.
They do not feel free to be themselves. Not at home. Not at work. Not in their friendship circles.
My mission in this project is to help mothers dig out from the rubble of motherhood, shoulds and expectations so they can finally be themselves. My motto — Be You, Finally™ — is all about YOUR freedom.
To realize that so many women are not able to be fully themselves has been eye-opening since I pretty much came out of the womb fiercely independent and unwilling to be boxed into any one-way of thinking or living. (One of my teenage daughters is the same way, fortunately/unfortunately.)
The truth is that while many women are free in the official sense of the word … there are many women in this world who are not. And while you may appear to be free because you can walk around freely and dress how you want, that doesn’t always mean you FEEL free.
Mothers are especially prone to feeling trapped in a life where they don’t feel free to believe in themselves and they long to be liberated to live how they want to live and to do what they want to do. They want to feel more confident in motherhood so that they feel good when they make decisions.
Here are just some of the struggles many of my clients have when we begin working together:
- They want to be free to earn money and spend money how they wish.
- They want to be free from a partner that makes them feel scared or like they need to walk on eggshells.
- They want to be free from a marriage that isn’t working but they do not want to end.
- They want to be free from a relationship that questions their every decision.
- They want to be free from a toxic boss or a negative workplace.
- They want to be free from their parents expectations of them.
- They want to be free from a peer group that doesn’t feel like a good fit.
- They want to be free from all the shoulds, responsibilities and tasks of caregiving 24/7.
- They want to be free from their own internal expectations and inner critic.
- They want to be free from spending all of their energy pleasing everyone else.
As an intersectional feminist Life Design Coach for All Moms, most of the coaching work I am doing with my amazing clients is helping them build up their confidence and self-worth so they can finally start believing in themselves. This work is powerful because they see instant results in being able to think for themselves, make choices for themselves and to learn to speak up and stand up for themselves. This is not easy work. But the progress they are seeing in their lives has been amazing. I am honored to witness their personal transformations.
Believing in yourself and being more confident in motherhood especially after years of being co-dependent or reliant on others for anything and everything requires deep work and big changes in your life.
For my clients, it begins with permission to start believing in yourself enough to take yourself, your needs, your desires and your beliefs more seriously.
Permission to start taking your needs more seriously.
Many mothers are conditioned in believing that motherhood is the ultimate sacrifice and that means that all of your time is spent caring for, pleasing and nurturing others. But the minute you start taking your needs more seriously, you will begin to reclaim yourself and this is the first step to believing in yourself and finding more confidence. Your needs are a foundation of your wellness. (Download my FREE self-care wheel to do a wellness inventory right now!)
Permission to have your own set of beliefs and opinions.
I have loved seeing my clients stand up for racial justice and speak out against racism in these last several weeks and I hope they keep finding their voice and speaking up more loudly than ever. But I am especially proud of my client — a Good Christian Wife — who decided that her spiritual path had changed and she was ready to reclaim her own spirituality — one of my favorite topics to explore in coaching! The point is this: You are a human being with your own set of beliefs and opinions and it’s time to live authentically.
Permission to start doing things differently.
It’s not easy to stand out and be different. I know because that is how I have done motherhood and life as long as I have been an adult. But the truth is that in order to truly start believing in ourselves we have to start to do things very differently. Taking risks and putting ourselves out there in new ways is not an easy road to travel. But it should never feel lonely. You should never feel like you have to do these things on your own. But you do have to start doing things differently. It’s essential to building your own confidence.
Is the Abundant Mama work right for you?
An Abundant Mama makes different kinds of choices than most of her friends.
She craves a slower, more meaningful life. She craves imperfect moments that are filled with beauty.
She craves to be awake. She doesn’t want to just go through the motions. She wants joy. She wants deep connection to herself and others. She wants to live a life of purpose.
To do that, though, she cannot be bothered by what’s not serving her anymore.
She cannot be bothered by things, people, ideas, that are sending her down the wrong paths … negative spirals … empty promises. She must choose differently.
She must choose differently.
And, believe me, choosing to do things differently is hard.
But. You have permission right now to begin untangling yourself from any ropes that are preventing your own growth and ability to bloom in this world.
Untangle from what no longer serves you. This is how you get closer to being yourself — finally.
This is how you get closer to FREEDOM.
Ready to start believing in yourself and feel more confident in motherhood? Let’s get on the phone and chat about what’s possible for you — let’s define what freedom would look like for YOU. Let’s talk about building your liberation plan. Schedule your FREE 30-minute coaching discovery call with me right now.