Where is the village?
Sometimes weeks will go by and my phone hasn’t rung.
I am not alone.
I’ve had mamas confess to me that the only conversations with adults they have are the ones we have in our online classroom.
This era of social media everywhere is actually making many people — moms especially — feel more and more disconnected and isolated.
After all, nothing makes you feel more alone than a Facebook post by friends doing something without you. And yet … this is the reality of modern motherhood.
A couple years ago I started collecting stories of lonely moms from around the world.
I did so out of curiosity for my own research for a project that I know will eventually rise to the surface.
But mostly I did it to give lonely moms a chance to be heard.
Most of us have a lonely story inside of us. Maybe it’s because our partners are at a distance either physically or emotionally.
Or, it’s because we’ve chosen to move hundreds of miles away from family for a better job or a better life. Or, in my case, a family that moved hundreds miles away from us.
It’s also because we feel so weird and strange and left out of the social circles that are connected to us in our lives through home, community, school and church.
It might also be that in our effort to keep a slow, simple life we alienate ourselves from being with people more, too.
The truth is that we’ll remain lonely unless we do a few things very well. I call these our connection habits:
1. Learn to connect with ourselves. This is by far my best ammunition against feeling loneliness and my favorite reason to practice all of our Abundant Mama Online program tips and tools. A strong connection to ourselves leaves little space for loneliness. This is the ultimate mission and goal of The Abundant Mama Peace Circle, my group coaching community for moms around the world.
2. Learn to tear down the walls that we hold up that leave us feeling alone and isolated. Once I did my own work around figuring out how I was putting up walls around me that prevented me from making real connections, I was able to begin to dismantle the walls that I was ready to take down. The walls we build around us are meant to keep us safe but they inadvertently cave us off from others.
3. Learn to tap into finding the right people who your safe landing for a hard fall. Honestly, I have never found a single person in my real life where I can feel totally safe with sharing my whole life with (other than my husband) … but I have found this with my membership community, where we have built a safe space for really honest sharing.
4. Learn to gently balance being and doing. This is the one area I have definitely had the most success in my life and journey as an Abundant Mama. Some seasons lean heavily slow and that can feel pretty lonely … so I lean the other way and add a few things in .. and then I find we’re leaning too far into the land of busy so I edit and tweak and take a few things away. A constant juggle.
When I wrote my book, “Savoring Slow,” I wrote it with the fear of becoming too busy and my strong urge to stick to our values of living simply and beautifully.
But there is another side to that equation — not being busy enough, and feeling empty.
It’s a fine line to walk.
What I’m finding is that life is about finding the right level of Yes and Do and Be so that we feel like we are connected to ourselves, to each other and to the world around us.
We get you.
Because many of us have been there.
I know I have.
And there’s a way through.