Where is the village?
Sometimes weeks will go by and my phone hasn’t rung.
I am not alone.
I’ve had mamas confess to me that the only conversations with adults they have are the ones we have in our online classroom.
This era of social media everywhere is actually making many people — moms especially — feel more and more disconnected and isolated.
After all, nothing makes you feel more alone than a Facebook post by friends doing something without you. And yet … this is the reality of modern motherhood.
A couple years ago I started collecting stories of lonely moms from around the world.
I did so out of curiosity for my own research for a project that I know will eventually rise to the surface.
But mostly I did it to give lonely moms a chance to be heard.
Most of us have a lonely story inside of us. Maybe it’s because our partners are at a distance either physically or emotionally.
Or, it’s because we’ve chosen to move hundreds of miles away from family for a better job or a better life. Or, in my case, a family that moved hundreds miles away from us.
It’s also because we feel so weird and strange and left out of the social circles that are connected to us in our lives through home, community, school and church.
It might also be that in our effort to keep a slow, simple life we alienate ourselves from being with people more, too. This was discussed on one of my recent podcasts.
The truth is that we’ll remain lonely unless we do a few things very well. I call these our connection habits:
1. Learn to connect with ourselves. This is by far my best ammunition against feeling loneliness and my favorite reason to practice all of our Abundant Mama Online program tips and tools. A strong connection to ourselves leaves little space for loneliness.
2. Learn to tear down the walls that we hold up that leave us feeling alone and isolated. I’m very much working on this level of awareness now … I’m still a work-in-progress on this and I’m starting with realizing where those walls are and when I put them up.
3. Learn to tap into finding the right people who can be our safe landing for a hard fall. This one is tough for me. I have found this very tribe online with my work in the project’s online program and in my alumni program … but in my real life I still very much struggle to find a safe place to fall. (Other than my husband, of course.)
4. Learn to gently balance being and doing. This is the one area I have definitely had the most success in my life and journey as an Abundant Mama. Some seasons lean heavily slow and that can feel pretty lonely … so I lean the other way and add a few things in .. and then I find we’re leaning too far into the land of busy so I edit and tweak and take a few things away. A constant juggle.
When I wrote my book, “Savoring Slow,” I wrote it with the fear of becoming too busy and my strong urge to stick to our values of living simply and beautifully.
But there is another side to that equation — not being busy enough, and feeling empty.
It’s a fine line to walk.
What I’m finding is that life is about finding the right level of Yes and Do and Be so that we feel like we are connected to ourselves, to each other and to the world around us.
This is why the upcoming Abundant Mama Online Class is so important to me. To help moms like YOU, who feel lonely, find their way back home to themselves but also to find that tribe of women who just get you.
We get you.
Because many of us have been there.
I know I have.
And there’s a way through.