I get it.
You messed up.
You made some glaring error according to the experts in parenting and life.
You didn’t ADD up and SHOW up the way you SHOULD have … of course.
All the parenting experts tell you what you should have done … practice more patience, more persistence, teach them grit, be softer and more nurturing.
Naturally you feel like you’re not enough.
This is your story.
The story of not enoughness.
Here’s the problem with that story: It forces you to come to terms with false expectations — expectations you’re not putting on yourself but the voices in your head are.
Expectations that ASSUME you could have done differently HAD YOU KNOWN.
Had you KNOWN of course you would have done it “right” or “better” or “differently.”
I hear about this all the time from the women in the Abundant Mama Online Program that I’ve led year after year. They believe they ARE their mistakes.
- Too distracted one day means they are a distracted mom.
- Too angry one day means they are a bad mom.
- Too busy doing all the things one day means they aren’t a good mom.
It’s only once we’ve been through an experience that we truly know what to do next time and even then that’s tricky as no experience or situation is ever exactly the same — especially in parenting when our children are changing nonstop.
Hindsight 20-20. Monday Morning Quarterbacking.
If you KNEW better you’d DO better.
Feel MORE Enough
This is the message you need to tell yourself with the rush of not enoughness flows through you and captures your attention.
It’s also the message you can carry with you in each moment with your children as well.
If THEY knew better they would DO better.
I’m not sure where I learned it, but I read recently that when our children don’t know how to do something, and they say “I can’t … “ that we should say — YET.
I can’t … YET.
And I think that’s a great tip for moms in the heat of a challenging parenting — or life — moment.
I can’t do these hard things … yet.
I can’t handle potty training … yet.
I can’t get my baby to sleep through the night …. yet.
I can’t manage my anger … yet.
I don’t have any friends … yet.
I don’t have the ideal home … yet.
I am not connected enough … yet.
Adding the YET on to a statement reminds us that we’re on a growth curve and in motherhood and life and being human there’s plenty of room to improve.
So yeah, I get it. You messed up.
You can’t do this much longer.
Oh yes you can.
And you are enough just for trying your best.