I’ve been in several beautiful, passionate conversations this week where I have surprised myself by proudly proclaiming who I am and the woman I’ve become. The great thing about these conversations is that they have opened my eyes to the fact that I finally learned to love myself, unconditionally.
And I truly mean declaring — not defending. I am done with defending myself.
I distinctly remember the day I went back to work after delivering my twin babies. I walked around the halls and streets feeling as if I was simultaneously invisible and like I had a third eye.
Now, 13 years later, I get it. I get how that was a turning point in my life. The old me was merging with the new me and like spring, it was a violent push through the dirt and the mud of my life.
Motherhood has changed me. For the better. For the good.
No wonder I felt so different. Everything had changed. The responsibility of caring 24/7 for the safety and well-being of human lives beyond your own — or in my case two lives beyond my own — was enormous, powerful and terrifying.
For years, I carried the labels of my bad parts around with me like a backpack. But through the abundance and enoughness work I’ve been doing for the past decade or more I’ve been slowly unpacking that baggage.
I’ve worked so hard — and I have helped so many other women do the same — at owning my flaws and my imperfections.
And, since Gratitude is My Superpower! I actually really do see these positives in myself.
So to reach this point feels really good. And really pivotal.
Here’s just a few of the things I’m loving about myself:
- I’ve learned to embrace that I am a woman who asks a lot questions in order to understand the implications and fairness of everything and who wants to be very intentional with every single choice I make that impacts my life and my family’s life — and the world.
- I’ve learned to honor my intuition and trust that it has never, not once, led me astray. This is why I’ve been called the Yoda of Mamas. This is why I have a natural gift for coaching, mentoring and teaching.
- I’ve learned to celebrate my quirky, girl-next-door personality knowing that I’ll never be for the masses or for those who feel they already have all the answers. I’m still very much a work-in-progress myself and plan to be until I leave this earth. In fact, my biggest pet peeve in life are know-it-alls. 🤔
- I’ve learned to be proud of the fact that I can be both passionate and reasonable, angry and calm, happy and sad, energized and exhausted, helpful and hurtful. As humans, we are never just one thing. I am never just one emotion. I am never mired in one mindset or belief. Sometimes I am many things at once and I think that’s pretty cool.
- I’ve learned that I can happily wade into deep waters and return to the shallow whenever I want and that it’s always up to me to do so.
All of this does not mean, however, that I love everything about myself. In fact, there are several things about myself that drive me crazy. I am absolutely human, after all. So these are what I’m learning to accept about myself — while trying to always do a little better each day.
Here’s a few of those things I’m learning to accept.
- I am disorganized and this totally drives me crazy. I am not sure if I have attention deficient disorder or not but the truth is that I do have many passions. Many, many, many passions. Coffee. Plants. Nature. Poetry. Helping people. Teaching. Spiritual practices. Meditation. I love my passions but for a long time I couldn’t stand how I couldn’t focus and stick to one thing, especially here in Abundant Mama Land, where I have great skills to teach and coach women and proven stories that my coaching changes lives. But, I’m often too busy with too many intentions to really drive that message home. I’m learning, though, that most of my ideal clients have the SAME focus issue so it’s always a good match. I am beginning to see my multi-passionate way is strength not a downfall. Thank goodness for my enoughness work.
- I love to read. I am obsessed with reading and books and words. But I read and consume more than I’m creating and I hope to change that this year in a big, big way. I’ve promised myself to DO more (write more especially) this year as a way to offset this desire to get out of my head and just TAKE ACTION, follow through and DO.
- I’m not a great homemaker or home designer. I really wish I could look at a room and see what could make it beautiful or stylish or transform a space into something lovely. I have zero skills to do this and, thus, I keep finding myself frustrated by how boring my home is or how incomplete it is. I often feel like that is not good enough. I’ve come a long way in working on this.
- I’m exactly what bothers me about my fiery daughter. Headstrong. Has to be right. Knows everything. Which is why I practice, practice, practice the work of letting go and trusting — so that I’ll not be the sandpaper to her ideas and passions.
- I help others too much and never, ever ask for help myself. The older I get the more this frustrates me but honestly I LOVE helping other people. I think it’s a big part of my own self-care. It also gives me a purpose beyond myself. And, truthfully, my “problems” are far inferior to most people’s and so I go inward, do my inner soulwork and cope on my own. Now and then, though, I just wish I could cry out I AM EXHAUSTED AND TIRED OF HOLDING UP THE WORLD. I don’t though. Because I am highly sensitive and don’t like a lot of noise. 🙂