I’ve been in several beautiful, passionate conversations this week where I have surprised myself by proudly proclaiming who I am and the woman I’ve become. The great thing about these conversations is that they have opened my eyes to the fact that I finally learned to love myself, unconditionally.
And I truly mean declaring — not defending. I am done with defending myself.
I distinctly remember the day I went back to work after delivering my twin babies. I walked around the halls and streets feeling as if I was simultaneously invisible and like I had a third eye.
Now, 13 years later, I get it. I get how that was a turning point in my life. The old me was merging with the new me and like spring, it was a violent push through the dirt and the mud of my life.
Motherhood has changed me. For the better. For the good.
No wonder I felt so different. Everything had changed. The responsibility of caring 24/7 for the safety and well-being of human lives beyond your own — or in my case two lives beyond my own — was enormous, powerful and terrifying.
For years, I carried the labels of my bad parts around with me like a backpack.
So to reach this point feels really good. And really pivotal.
Here’s just a few of the things I’m loving about myself:
- I’ve learned to embrace that I am a woman who asks a lot questions in order to understand the implications and fairness of everything and who wants to be very intentional with every single choice I make that impacts my life and my family’s life — and the world.
- I’ve learned to honor my intuition and trust that it has never, not once, led me astray. This is why I’ve been called the Yoda of Mamas. This is why I have a natural gift for coaching, mentoring and teaching.
- I’ve learned to celebrate my quirky, girl-next-door personality knowing that I’ll never be for the masses or for those who feel they already have all the answers. I’m still very much a work-in-progress myself and plan to be until I leave this earth. In fact, my biggest pet peeve in life are know-it-alls. 🤔
- I’ve learned to be proud of the fact that I can be both passionate and reasonable, angry and calm, happy and sad, energized and exhausted, helpful and hurtful. As humans, we are never just one thing. I am never just one emotion. I am never mired in one mindset or belief. Sometimes I am many things at once and I think that’s pretty cool.
- I’ve learned that I can happily wade into deep waters and return to the shallow whenever I want and that it’s always up to me to do so.
All of this does not mean, however, that I love everything about myself. In fact, there are several things about myself that drive me crazy.
Here’s a few of those things.
- I am disorganized and this totally drives me crazy. I am not sure if I have attention deficient disorder or not but the truth is that I do have many passions. Many, many, many passions. Coffee. Plants. Nature. Poetry. Helping people. Teaching. Spiritual practices. Meditation. I love my passions but I hate how I can’t focus and stick to one thing, especially here in Abundant Mama Land, where I have great skills to lead and teach and coach women but my message is often SO all over the place, just like my brain. Too many intentions, too little time.
- I love to read. I am obsessed with reading and books and words. But I read and consume more than I’m creating and I hope to change that this year in a big, big way. I’ve promised myself to DO more (write more especially) this year as a way to offset this desire to get out of my head and just TAKE ACTION, follow through and DO.
- I’m not a great homemaker or home designer. I really wish I could look at a room and see what could make it beautiful or stylish or transform a space into something lovely. I have zero skills to do this and, thus, I keep finding myself frustrated by how boring my home is or how incomplete it is. I know enough that it’s not good enough. But I have no idea how to fix it. This also shows up, more recently, in my disinterest in having people over.
- I’m exactly what bothers me about my fiery daughter. Headstrong. Has to be right. Knows everything. Which is why I practice, practice, practice the work of letting go and trusting — so that I’ll not be the sandpaper to her ideas and passions.
- I help others too much and never, ever ask for help myself. The older I get the more this frustrates me but honestly I LOVE helping other people. I think it’s a big part of my own self-care. It also gives me a purpose beyond myself. And, truthfully, my “problems” are far inferior to most people’s and so I go inward, do my inner soulwork and cope on my own. Now and then, though, I just wish I could cry out I AM EXHAUSTED AND TIRED OF HOLDING UP THE WORLD. I don’t though. Because I am highly sensitive and don’t like a lot of noise. 🙂
Thanks for reading. How about you share 5 Random Things About Yourself with me?