Now and then, we slip.
And we slip hard.
And we resort to old ways that are far from the person we want to be in this world.
Easily frustrated. Suffering with big pangs of “Not Enough.” Highly emotional and overwhelmed.
Often, it can be something as simple as a new parenting season approaching that throws us off.
Sometimes, it’s just our own stress, hormones or our own emotional turmoil that’s to cause.
The truth is that ultimately we all do really well at being strong and calm mamas … we do. We don’t see our successes as much as we should.
I tell all of my clients that the goal around here is NEVER to be perfect, but rather to always get up each day with the goal of doing a little better today. Our goal is to be authentic, balanced and grounded. Our goal is to be calm and strong.
And when we do that as Abundant Mamas we naturally become more and more and more strong and calm, which means we don’t yell and snap and storm around to make a point.
In fact, when I work with moms in my smaller groups I love to challenge them on forgetting what society is saying about yelling and just focus on being strong and calm in everything we do. Motherhood. Life. Marriage. Relationships. Community.
What is Strong & Calm?
A Strong and Calm mama is resilient.
She bounces back pretty quickly most of the time.
She stands in her power not through force, but through kindness, empathy and acceptance.
A strong and calm mama doesn’t get too worked up so she can stay balanced in her energy, mindset and motivation.
Being strong is about feeling strong in the face of a challenge without being a bully.
Being calm is about facing an emotional situation with ease and softness.
When we are strong and calm through a life crisis we get through it without losing all ability to function. The strength is not just physical — it’s emotional strength as well.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve developed a long list of some pretty consistent rules that help me be strong and calm and I’m sharing those rules with you here in this post.
I’ve been working with moms on containing their emotions, their anger and their peaceful mindsets for nearly 20 years.
And while NONE of these are a sure-thing for all moms all the time, especially if they are not practiced all the time with other nourishing self-care practices, they are a great start and beginning and will work MOST of the time.
And it all comes down to small changes we add into our day. Easier said than done … but when we do these small things we see great gains. Today I’m sharing just 6 of my 12 rules.
6 Rules for Being a Strong & Calm Mama
#1 Put down the distractions
There are so many cool things to do each day. Our phones offer a world of information for research, recipes, ideas, connection. And those ideas are often the very thing that stands in our way of being strong and calm. Ask yourself what is most important in this moment? If that means being on your phone or making dinner, then do that. But if it’s to help your increasingly frustrated child … then put the phone down, or wait on making dinner for a bit. The world won’t end. Do just one thing at a time.
#2 Less is more
Less talking. Less action. Less reaction. Less rules. Less directions. It all counts here when it comes to being strong and calm. Less is more. Your children will be so much better for it. Harder than it sounds, for sure, but definitely worth experimenting with. It’s time to stop doing the doing. If you are looking for another way, I am your guide. Follow me. I will hep you opt out of the more more more industry that keeps feeding you a lot of what you do not need and what your children do not need.
#3 Be the Mom
I love when one of my class students or coaching clients gets this concept of stepping into their power. So many moms doubt themselves because of so much conflicting advice out there — so many articles telling you to do this or that. Sometimes we just need to be the mom and make the hard decisions. Sometimes that means we’re sacrificing one thing for another. Sometimes that means we are soft. Sometimes that means we are hard. Sometimes that means we are inconsistent. But, when you know your why, this is so much simpler. And when you can stand strong in your reasons … you can stand strong as a mom. It can be easy to second guess ourselves, leave lots of room for what ifs and to even worry we’re not being hard enough or strong enough or kind enough. The reality is often that what is most important is what matters most. So stick to that.
#4 Stop Comparing
Enoughness coaching work is my jam. I am on a mission to help you finally tame your own not enough negative thoughts and actions. And this goes for your child, too. Your child is right where she/he needs to be. It doesn’t feel that way all the time. But it is true. When we stop comparing to where we think they should be, how they should act, what they should be doing … we release our expectations of perfection. When we can let our children just be who they are — not because of anything we’ve done or haven’t done — we give them full permission to be their authentic self — the greatest gift. If you haven’t mastered your enoughness yet … you are long overdue, my dear. Learn how to do that here.
#5 Be a Detective
The greatest gift you can give yourself as a strong & calm mama is understanding the problem. And this takes time. When we see our children struggling, it’s not enough to jump in and distract them or move them along. We have to help them figure out how to problem solve. But first, YOU have to know what YOUR problem is. Once you know what is standing in YOUR way the solutions become clear. It can take real detective work to get to the real root of the issue but often — more often then not — we are at the root of our own conflicts with our children. In my coaching work with moms, I help you identify the real issues that need to be addressed so you can eliminate the problems that keep popping up over and over.
#6 Master Yourself
In all of my eCourses and programs, I teach you to master yourself. Period. Once we learn WHAT to do when our own emotions start to fire up and erupt is the very second we start understanding what being a calm and strong mom is all about. WHAT we choose to do instead of — or in spite of — our child’s actions, or inactions, is the most powerful way to distract ourselves so we can calm down and respond graciously rather than create more of a firestorm. Learning to trust yourself and how to handle the tough moments is the sure-sign of a calm and strong mom.