One mom shared a photo of a dress she made for her daughter.
Another shared a photo of her son scoring on the team.
And yet another made the most wonderful layered cake anyone’s ever saw.
I can’t sew. I have even broken my sewing machine. TWICE.
My kids aren’t interested in sports. At all.
And as much as I love the idea of baking … I don’t have the patience or the skills to do it often. And when I do, they look nothing like the images with the recipe.
Why do we gauge our enoughness by other people’s status updates? And, better yet, why do we feel our enoughness is tied up in our own status updates, or lack of?
This past weekend, I let everyone know on my Facebook page that our mundane, un-interesting lives aren’t anything to shy away from. So many of the things I do in a day never make it to the public realm.
And, quite frankly, it’s often the best stuff that happens in our days. Things like …
Played judge in daughters’ bed-making contest. Had to choose a winner. Hearts were broken. Sigh.
Played school again tonight with the girls. Again.
I sat on my couch and snuggled with my girls for a half hour instead of making dinner so we’ll just have leftovers tonight.
We played the best game today — twice! You had to be the last one to say “Not me” … as in the answer to, “Who farted?”
My daughter was so cranky and negative today that I decided to just give up on trying to be happy for her sake.
Had another argument with my husband today that really had nothing to do with him and everything to do with crazy morning stress.
Here’s what I wrote on Facebook, in case you missed it:
After catching up on emails and other things, I’m unplugging from social media this weekend entirely. Join me. Get outside. Have fun. Live fully. Create your own status updates but don’t post them. Live authentically for YOU and not for others. Have fun for the sake of having fun and not for others. Do your own thing. Be your own person for no other reason than to just be yourself. And, if you do nothing substantial today, who cares? It’s YOUR life. And not everything is worthy of a status update. But everything YOU do is amazing. Every single day. No need to brag, show or tell others anything at all. Live your truth for you. Live it in peace.
And, here’s the thing.
I”m not alone in sensing this trend.
Maybe even you, too, find yourself feeling unworthy/not enough/insecure/left out while reading through your News Feed on Facebook.
The fabulous Glennon from the amazing blog Momastery posted on the same day as I about this very thing.
Here’s what she wrote:
During my internet fast, I learned that Facebook makes me feel bad. I wish I were cooler so it wouldn’t effect me, but it does. I once saw an Olympic swimmer interviewed after winning a race and she said “I swim best when I mentally stay in my own lane.” Me too. Facebook just takes me right out of my own lane- every single time. No matter how satisfied I am with my life, career, family, social life, etc etc – as soon as I log on to Facebook and peek into others’ lives, I immediately feel that unease caused by comparison. I start to doubt myself. I just feel a little kernel of doubt settle into my gut and it feels really bad. Comparison is the thief of joy, and Facebook is a breeding ground for comparison, don’t you think? I called my Sister the other day and said, “I’m going to quit Facebook. I don’t use it right. Whether I want to or not, I just end up comparing myself to everyone else.” And Sister said, “Actually, you’re using it for the exact thing it was designed for. Remember- some college guys made it to compare women to each other.” And I thought- AH. Right. Huh. The origin of Facebook is really annoying and offensive, actually, when you think about it. And even more annoying is that we often still use it for what it was originally intended: Comparison. I think our only hope for joy is gratitude and comparison shoves us out of gratitude swiftly and dependably.
Here’s the thing I want to say now.
What we do — as parents — is often not worthy of a status update.
No one really cares that we searched high and low to find my daughters blanket bear that she’s slept with every single night since she was a baby. No one cares that we looked in every room, under every pillow and that, eventually, we found it in the playroom under some other things.
No one really cares about that.
But my daughter does. It mattered to her and when she saw that bear her little face lit up with such joy and peace.
It’s true, we’re not rocking our status updates while raising kids because so much of what we’re doing is not glamorous or sexy or even remotely interesting to anyone else and it may not seem exciting right now and it might not always feel good … but, shit, it’s really important stuff.
It’s the stuff that makes or breaks families. It’s the stuff that makes or breaks confidence. It’s the stuff that makes or breaks relationships. It’s the stuff that helps or hurts a teachers’ day. It’s the everyday blessings and the beauty in the ordinary moments that give our lives meaning.
It’s the stuff that matters … years from now.
And, it won’t matter if it never sees Facebook or if your friends know about it — or not. It just won’t.
And I’m actually perfectly fine with that. Aren’t you?