In my last post, I mentioned my latest secret mission that began in January to help create an awareness of the large number of lonely moms who are raising children.
Except really … the mission began long ago.
Probably with my first blog post. Long before I had ever thought about writing a book or creating an e-course or even becoming a family wellness coach.
It started with my own story of being an isolated mom.
And, frankly, if it weren’t for this community that I’ve created I would probably still feel lonely most of the time.
But, in the middle of a bitter cold streak at home, with my children, and my husband sleeping out of town for work so he didn’t have to travel in the snow, I realized something.
There I was standing ALONE in the sunniest patch of our kitchen waiting on lunch to warm up when it hit me.
I need to write more about loneliness and WHY we’re lonely.
It’s not ME. It’s not YOU.
It’s everything else but you, in fact. The story is the lonely part. Not us.
The feelings of loneliness in motherhood is real and it’s not anything to be ashamed about — you are just living and doing what you need to do.
But there are some ways we create a lonelier path for ourselves. Like it or not.
I have good anecdotal evidence from my coaching circle of mamas around the world that the less support a mom has the more likely she is to get angry and lose her temper.
Which really means if a mom felt like she had support to help take on the demands of raising children well she would probably turn to them — instead of yelling.
But, as we know, there are so many women raising little children in isolation now.
Is it no wonder there is so much chatter about yelling then?
But why is that?
Well, here are 6 Candid Reasons You’re an Isolated Mom.
More and more families are torn apart not just by divorce but also by partners working out of town, out of state and even out of the country. What’s left is a mom — or a dad — left behind to carry the entire house and parenting load. The responsibilities to cook, clean and care for temperamental children are immense.
Where you live may be contributing to your loneliness. This doesn’t mean put your house up for sale, by the way. It just means that this is the luck of the draw. You can never predict these things. Some neighbors are just not that into socializing. Or, maybe your neighbor is the local deer and while they are pretty they don’t really get book clubs and moms night out.
Let’s face it. If you had a crap-ton of money you might be able to have more chances to meet others. At the fitness center. At the country club. At the paint-your-own rip off plate place. But, let’s face it even more … that might not be your thing anyway. Which leads me to No. 3 …
You don’t think like other moms
You don’t diet. You don’t read celebrity news. You may not even really go to church. But you believe in magic and blissful moments and you want to talk. I mean really talk. But all that the moms in the pick up line at school wants to chat about is last night’s homework or what to dress the kids in for the weather.
Your rigid routines are keeping you down
A good, solid routine helps us get good night’s sleep and keep an orderly house. It makes for happier kids and even happier families. But, it might be that rigid “We have to be in bed by 8 p.m” that’s keeping you from connecting to others. This is a moment of sacrifice for sanity. This is not anything to feel guilt over.
Your kids’ ages and stages (and your own)
When my best friend from high school had her kids, I was totally 100 percent single and working 60-hours a week as a new journalist. When I became a mother, her kids were school-age and she was dealing with homework battles and friendship dramas. When you can tap into a group with kids in the similar stage, it’s a great way to make connections. Otherwise, it’s hard to stay on the same page.
You’re an introvert
Perhaps the hardest one of all. You are an introvert. You need one-on-one conversations not full-blown moms night out events. But asking another mom to go to dinner is hard. And while you want friendship, being out and about is exhausting for you. No wonder you stay home all the time.