“I’m really not good at this motherhood thing.”
This is a common phrase I hear from moms asking me if they think my online program will help them.
Knowing that SO many moms in this world feel like they aren’t good at what they are doing is very disheartening.
And I’m not talking about neglectful, mean, terrible, horrible no-good moms, either. I’m talking about moms who are playing with their kids, trying to feed them nutritious meals, teaching them things and taking them places. These are moms who ARE putting in the time. Maybe even too much time. Maybe even over-thinking how and what they do all day.
And they STILL genuinely feel like they aren’t good mothers — let alone good enough mothers, which is what we encourage here in this project.
Of course they feel this way about themselves!
It’s hard to be a happy mom when the world is pretty much constantly throwing a million curveballs at you about what the RIGHT way to parent is just about every day or hour — depending on how much time you spend online and reading magazines.
From the minute we know a baby is on its way, there are SO many pieces of conflicting advice out there about the way we should parent, the way we should mother and the way we should live.
We should be soft. We should be hard. We should let our children be free. We should keep them under control.
We should be kind. We should be strict. We should stay attached. We should encourage autonomy.
We should offer only organic. We should not spend too much money. We should have perfect rooms. We should have no stuff. We should not give our kids snacks. We should give an allowance. No, wait, no allowance.
WHAT is a mom to do?
You do what I tell every single mama who has ever gone through my 4-week program. YOU. DO. WHAT. YOU. THINK. IS. BEST. Period.
The Abundant Mama Project really is about helping you learn to listen to your inner mother and create the family life that is ideal for you — so you can be the kind of mother YOU want to be, not what you think society wants you to be.
Put all the shoulds away because mothering shouldn’t be so hard. I mean, it’s hard … we don’t need to make it harder by piling a bunch of extraordinary expectations on top of our to-do list.
We’re all figuring it out. Ever read a parenting book where the author actually got it “right” with their own kids? If you have, please let me know.
So. Do your thing. Do what you think is best.
The secret to being a happy mom is pretty simple: Stop comparing your mothering practices to everyone’s blog posts and magazine spreads and Instagram feeds of happy children and perfectly perfect rooms.
There are any number of reasons why your daily life is different than someone else’s way of parenting and mothering.
Your child might have a learning disability. Your wallets might not be so padded. Your schedule isn’t as flexible. You don’t have a support network.
So just stop everything and do one thing and one thing only.
Be the kind of parent YOU want to see in the world.
Not sure what kind of a parent you want to be?
Figuring out your parenting legacy takes time and reflection just like living intentionally does as well.
Start first with my favorite question:
What is most important to me? Write those statements down and keep them close.
And when you feel torn or like you’re not enough, pull them out and read them.
This is a practice I use with my clients all the time in my family wellness coaching and really goes straight to one of my 10 Habits of Highly Effective Mamas — Zoom Out. People have called this list of habits “refreshing” … and “not your typical list.”
It is a list for imperfect parents. People who make mistakes and aren’t afraid to admit it. It’s for real people.
Zooming out is one of my favorite habits. It helps you get some perspective on your life and role as a mother by simple figuring out what is MOST crucial to you and then start building your confidence around those simple statements.
Learn more about the 10 Habits of Highly Effective Mamas in my free workbook now.