The older my daughters get, the more I realize that I need to find some ease in my life at the edges of my day.
And as I wrote in my book, Savoring Slow, I believe strongly that we can find EASE in our busy lives. Living a FULL life can feel really good as long as we are living with intention and purpose.
This week’s re-run of The Abundant Mama Show Podcast reminded me of this purpose-driven life of doing what matters. And only what matters.
This is the foundation of being an Abundant Mama and at the heart of all of my programs.
This idea of setting boundaries of what we will focus on and what we will not is essential to living from a place of yes and ease.
The opposite of setting boundaries that create ease is chaos, overwhelm and burnout. Running in what feels like a million different directions and not making an impact leaves us feeling like we’re not enough, not doing enough — as if we don’t have enough.
And feeling like we’re never making progress, getting things done or getting ahead is an easy way to feel less than.
All the more reason that setting boundaries that promote ease is essential.
For me right now what matters is helping my twin daughters SHINE. They are at a crucial age of confidence building and self-esteem. Rather than pull away and treating them as the independent beings they are becoming … I am choosing to lean in closer, listen more deeply and celebrate their individuality.
One loves music so much she is drawn to it constantly. She plays the piano, the clarinet and she has experimented with many others and successfully. She is now asking to audition for a play. She’s in gymnastics and working hard to reach the next level.
The other loves to dance and wants so hard to be really good in math. She’s an amazing writer and poet and her heart is BIG so she’s been collecting money to donate to her favorite cause — animals.
What does this have to do with being busy?
I could complain about being busy, spending all this money on activities and feel frustrated at never having any free time to relax.
Or I can lean into this phase of life and help my daughters shine the way they want to in life and ask myself a few questions to make sure I am making the right decisions for our family.
We can always have a few focuses in our lives but more than 2 or 3 and we’ll start to feel overwhelmed. It’s best to really dig deep to figure out what are top priorities now and then reassess later.
3 Reflective Questions to Set Boundaries and Bring Ease
How do we know if we’re off track?
How do we know if we need to set boundaries around how we’re spending our time and money?
How do we experience more ease by setting boundaries?
This week’s podcast drawn from our archives is all about writing down your family purpose statement and knowing your why. This got me thinking about three questions I love to ask myself when things start to feel a bit out of control.
RELATED: Why Knowing Your Why is Essential
What’s Your WHY?
Erika talks in the podcast about asking a very simple question such as: Why am I doing this? Why am I interested in this? A simple WHY can shed light on what you are spending your time on each day. Getting to the heart of why you are doing anything is so important.
Take a big giant step back and breathe and start living your WHY.
For me, what’s always most important is this: kindness, community and family are the most important.
And when I’m putting these three areas of my life first, I shine as well.
Asking ourselves WHY is another aspect to living authentically.
Years ago, I wrote a blog post that asked another question to help us get to the heart of what matters most:
What is most important?
Answer this simple question makes decision making super simple. Do I want to do the dishes or spend time with my family? Do I want more money or more family dinners? Do I want to focus on being right or being kind?
When I ask myself this question … I am reminded to practice one of the 10 Habits of Highly Effective Mamas — ZOOM OUT.
Learning to move into a place of seeing a bigger picture of what matters is how we move into a place of abundance as mothers. Life is no longer about what we must do, but rather what I choose to do.
So asking ourselves this question:
What do I choose to do right now?
When we turn shoulds into choices we no longer feel pulled in directions that aren’t our choosing. We take control of what matters.
I choose to play a game so I will wash dishes later.
I choose to take a nice hot shower now before my day gets too busy.
I choose to eat this chocolate cake because life is too short.
The answers to ALL these questions for me are deeply personal and based on my life experiences and when I really dig into WHAT is most important and WHY … I realize that I can let so many other things go.
The End-Result of Doing What Matters
At the end of the what matters is what I choose to do, what matters most and WHY I’m doing it.
The long list of recipes I’ll never make or trips I’ll never take or cakes I’ll never bake no longer seem to matter as much as those tasks that are in full alignment with my purpose.
At the end of the day, when we are living our lives the way we choose to we’re closer to being the peaceful, playful and present women we want to be each day. When we’re focused on what is most important — that feels good. That feels easy.
And we suddenly feel like we’re enough.
So yes, this time of parenthood brings a lot of running around and busyness. I read my Kindle while waiting in lobbies. I plan my days in the wee hours of the morning. And I fall fast asleep far earlier than the cool people do.
But the other side of that coin is that in roughly eight years or less, I’ll be wishing I still had a house full of energetic, passionate children. I’m not going to miss a single minute of this time.
My purpose right now is simply to be here. Where I am. And love it fully.
Knowing that brings ease to my mind and life.